June 27th, 2005

Current Music: my bro's singing the peanutbutter&jelly song!!! Subject: woah... Time: 11:50 pm Current Mood: I dont really know...

it has been a crazy few days... very annoying, but crazy. the jist of it is... I'm confusing, this is confusing, life is confusing... and absolutely none of it would make sense without russell, i love him SOOOO much, he's by far, my BEST friend EVER! ugh, well Ishould get goin soon... Please pray for my grandma, she's in the hospital, n they odnt know what's wrong with her... she had a kind of heart attack like thing, that wasn't really a heart attack, and they dont know what happened... so she's dealing with a lot right now, and I know how bad some people get when they think of how scary death can be... so please just keep her in your thoughts and prayers, n if ne body needs me to pray for ne thing, just ask, i'm always happy to pray! but... MUCH LOVE ~*~S~*~ p.s. teheheh, russ n I have a plan! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (that means, I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DONT KNOW!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA) It's a good plan too!! *EVIL GRIN!* ^(do you see what pixy stix do to ppl?????)^

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June 24th, 2005

Current Music: Edwin McCain-- I couldn't love you more Subject: a couple more questions... Time: 01:44 am Current Mood: can't get over this one...

* do soulmates exist? * if so, how do you know when you've found them? I have so much crap to think about... DEE-- I'M SO SO SO SORRY FOR ALL OF THIS SWEETCHEEKS-- ilu so much, i'd be miserable without havin u to talk to... most of all, one last set of questions you guys, what am I doing here? have I really done anything of benefit? Is helping a few friends enough "REASON" to be on this earth? Is saving someone's life truely enough? Is anything ever enough? when and how will we know? what am I doing? ~Steph~ needing advice...

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June 23rd, 2005

Current Music: I miss you a little... John Michael Montgomery Subject: *sigh* *tears* * and anything else I could put in here to make me seem sad... Time: 11:30 pm Current Mood: confused, and upset...

I'm sad... I guess, maybe not so much sad as just upset. hell, who am I kidding, I dont even know ne more... I have so much to think about, and figure out and idk... I just, dont know ne more. This is all so hard... I need some answers... so post em if you have ANY advice, or comments... please... I really need em Questions... * is it possible to love twice? * how do you know whether it's your heart or your head telling you to do something? * how can try so hard to be happy... and yet never once stop being upset? * how do you know who your true friends are... and who will listen to you, even when you're telling them something you did that isn't right? (which, I could REALLY use an answer to that one... * how do I choose between 2 things, when both seem to fit so right? GAAAAAA, I need answers... please... anybody... I'm begging you... *tears*

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Current Music: wat's ur fantasy-- ludacris Subject: hmmmmm Time: 01:53 pm Current Mood: idk waht i'm doin ne more

mike n I r all cool again... I missed it! but yeah, it's eric's birthday! haha, I'm gonna hang out with him tomorrow.ther'es really nothing else to say... I know, how boring... russ- thanks for our talk last night, it was pretty sweet! ~*~me~*~ confusion is a pain in the azz

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June 21st, 2005

Current Music: I'll be-- Edwin McCain Time: 09:27 pm Current Mood: ehhhhh.

Daytime I'm fine Everything is back normal Last night I thought that I would die I had nightmares, I was so scared Thank god that you were by my side To hold me when I cried I wanna be strong But I don't wanna be alone tonight I wanna believe that I can save the world And make it right But I believe that you've got a hero's face Right here in your arms is safest place The safest place It feels so real You showed me I could trust you With emotions I had locked away It was your touch, your words They hear the deepest part of me That only you can see ^^ that song describes somethin I was feelin the other night... When there seems to be no hope, when nothing makes sense and everything seems too hard to deal with... I go to him, because I know that no matter how weak I may be... when i'm in his arms... I'm the strongest person on earth, and nothing could ever hurt me. ERIC STEVEN I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING ~*~Steph~*~

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June 16th, 2005

Subject: hmmmm Time: 10:37 pm Current Mood: I'm a LOT better then earlier!

hmmmmm, otay lets see... it's been a crazy ass couple days... sorry for the language... but seriously. I told Eric something and I totally overreacted thinking he was mad, or didn't love me ne more... er idk, it was really bad, and ppl told me if I honestly thought he felt the way he did then I should just break up wtih him but I could never do that becaues I love him wayyyyyy too much. but yeah, then I went to church and thank god for my friends. Matt and Sean got baptised, taht was cool. but idk, russ was tehre and I swear, i'd go crazy without that kid cuz he was SUCH a huge help. I got so many hugz from him I love him sooooo much, he's so amazing of a friend. I needed to talk really really bad and as much as I love russell, i knew he'd just overreact too and he'd get mad at the whole thing and when he gets pissed he goes crazy cuz of all this stuff that I dont wanna get into that he knows and yeah... but then idk so I was outside in the rain with them all for a while till I started to get really upset cuz I was so scared about everything that was going on. but yeah so it started pouring rain and I just stayed otu there playin volley ball! haha, gotta love it! but then idk later I started getting really really really sad that I hadn't heard from Eric and I was kinda freaking out that he wasnt' gonna call cuz of a conversation we had last night so yeah... then idk I just started walking up n down the shore to try to calm down (which totally didn't work I just ended up being more upset) and Jason came up and talked to me, and we prayed together and everything which was really cool. I finally told someone older then me what was wrong and we totally talked it all out till I went home feelin like a million bucks cuz I had so many ppl behind me. but yeah then on the way home russ kept askin me to get out at his house so he could walk me home and we could talk more... which I didn't do cuz my mom mighta gotten pissed but it was sooo awsome! I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO EFFING MUCH!!!!!!!! kk, i'm gonna start wrappin this up... but the jist of this all is... I overreacted and my boyfriend's amazing even after everything... ERIC STEVEN I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL!!!!!!!!!! kk, gotta get goin, HALF TIME'S OVER!! haha, goin to go watch B-B-B-B-BEN WALLLLLLLLACE!!! haha, but I dont love ben wallace... i love RASHEED WALLACE, HE'S SO EFFING HOT! lmao, jk jk, not hot, just absolutely amazing at basketball!!!! muhahahahha, I know, I know... he's married... HOMEWRECKER!!! haha, ne way... SJBLESCWAHH!! <<deffinately!! ~*~Steph~*~

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June 12th, 2005

Current Music: mariah carey-- we belong together Time: 10:55 pm Current Mood: I'M SO AMAZINGLY IN LOVE!!!

man, it's been a crazy day! I went to go pick out a jacuzzi for my new house, it was crazy sweet and I'm mega excited to move now. Then I went to my new house and my parents let me pick which lot and everything I liked, and they have this nature thingy that's like protected so they can never cut down the trees and the lot I chose was right there so you look out in your back yard and see these amazing trees it's so awsome. I said I was gonna hate moving cuz I'm gonna miss my deck... but oh my gosh, this new house will be just as awsome, i'm so excited! Oh my gosh tho... dont even get me started on this jacuzzi, it's so flipping cool. It's got this water fall and the color changing lights that I begged for! lol, it's got so many different kinds of seats in it too. it sits 6 people and every seat is for a different thing, like one of them is where you lean back like you're on a recliner and there's just jets everywhere, your legs and everything, and then there's one that's where you stretch out and it does your feet really good, and all of them have jets all over but special things for each seat... but my favorite is this really comfy one for your upper body... oh my god the idea of these jets on my shoulder already makes the idea of surgery and rehab SOOOOO much easier!!! well I love you guys but I should get goin, I gotta hit the sack soon! ~*~Steph~*~ OH MAN, one more thing, I saw eric yesturday!!! that was so much fun!!! I almost cried tho, he hurt his ankle and, ugh, I hate that he's a cripple!! lol, he was on his crutches and my dog jumped up and like... idk i felt so bad I was so scared he was gonna get hurt... but that's okay, we had a really good time, and talked about some really important stuff so... it's awsome, I love him SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (like, times a million) much! he's just... amazing, perfect, awsome, everything I could have ever wanted and SOO much more, I just... I love him! kk, now I'm done!!!!! SJBLESCWAHH!!!!! *Me*

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June 8th, 2005

Subject: I feel icky Time: 09:41 am Current Mood: My dad got me sick

sorry I haven't updated the past few days I've been tryin to sleep of this nasty flu thing. I can't breath, I can't swallow (because of which I haven't eaten in 3 days), I can't talk... this effing sucks. Eric screwed up his ankle pretty bad yesturday and I'm more worried about him then I am about myself. ugh but I keep getting called darth vador cuz I make that noise when I breath! HOW RUDE!!! haha, well I'm gonna go lay down again! Wish me luck! SJBLESCWAHH ~*~ME~*~

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June 5th, 2005

Subject: ... Time: 09:50 pm Current Mood: just sick of this day

idk today all around sucked till about... 45 minutes ago... I kinda started getting ready to cry cuz I was so upset so I pick up my fone and call stephanie... I knew it would help we ended up talkin for a while on the fone and now we're talkin online... it's so awsome that i have someone to talk to who actually understands me and can relate and everything. I love her, she's an awsome friend. But yeah, lots of stuff is going wrong so i'm just gonna keep this one short and sweet... i'll update later Bye ~*~S~*~ SJBLESCWAHH??????

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June 3rd, 2005

Time: 09:42 pm Current Mood: i'm happy, but sick too

so school's officially over... thank god... I did really good on my Bio test too so I get to go to scedar point with eric sometime this summer... Eric and I were talking today on the fone and out of nowhere he asked me how crazy I thought it would be if we ended up getting like... married or something, it was too cute i was in shock though, i didn't think he thought about stuff like that. I mean, I've thought about a wedding but most little girls do, and it wasnt' about getting married to HIM it was just about the idea of getting married. but yeah, it was pretty awsome, i loved it! i'm going over Eric's house tomorrow to go hang out then sunday's gonna suck pretty bad, we're having an open house so it'll get sold sooner so we can move this summer and idk, it's just gonna suck cuz we're not allowed to be home and I kinda thought i'd hang out with eric but he has school on monday and he's been kinda sick lately so i dont want to spend ALL weekend wasting his time... well i should proly get going cuz i have a pretty bad head ache... so w/e lotsa love sjblescwahh ~*~me~*~

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May 31st, 2005

Subject: .... Time: 11:39 am Current Mood: coloful!

Okay, so I just got done with my finals for my first 2 hours... i think i did pretty good! The Bio one was way easier then I would have thought. So yesturday was extremely retarded, it started with my parents getting home from up north and my dad going directly to the hospital. He's okay I guess, better than he could be, but it still sucked. Then we had to clean all effing day, and i had to study for bio. Toby came home too. he's awsome, but idk, he was being a jerk so who cares... but anywho... megs is grounded for like nothing... what the crap??? and now i dont get to talk to her as much as i used to cuz she cna't talk online or the fone and she even got the stupid tv taken away... ugh, all for like nothing... she didn't even do anything wrong, believe me... i know like... all of it! ugh, it's just so dumb! well, i'm gonna get going... peace and love... S.B.L.E.C.W.A.H.H ^^uh huh, u no it!^^ ~*~S~*~

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May 29th, 2005

Subject: yesturday was awsome! Time: 12:37 pm Current Mood: head over heals

So yesturday I busted my butt to get a bunch of house work done because my house goes up for sale tomorrow. But yeah, then I got a call from Eric. The conversation went a little bit like this... Eric-- What are you up to? Me-- Chillin, cleanin the house cuz my parents bailed at the last minute again. Eric-- Oh, that sucks, want to have something better to do? Me-- *laughs* what do you mean? Eric-- Come see me, I miss you. Me-- AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Eric-- Shut up! *laughs* Do you want to come over? Me-- I'd love to, but I don't know if I can get a ride. Eric-- I'll take care of it, I promise. he effing had his mom come pick me up and drop me off, i had the best time too! his family is so nice, i could talk to them for hours. But yeah, so we ended up just hanging out and talking for almost 6 hours... and then after he dropped me off and I went to go lay down he called me just to "talk a little more". We ended up playing 20 questions and we ended up learning loads from one another! It was pretty awsome! But you have to remember, i was with him all day... and had been up since 8 cleaning... we didn't get off the fone till 1... and he actually hung up and called me back... cuz i fell asleep! that's the first time i've ever fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation! I felt horrible! but he called me back and we talked for a lil bit longer till he made me go to sleep because he was worried i was gonna get sick again. But yeah, i think we're going to hang out again tonight to watch the pistons game, that should be loads of fun! I love him so effing much! S.B.L.E.C.W.A.H.H!!!! leave em!! lotsa love ~*~S~*~

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May 23rd, 2005

Subject: *RASPBERRIES!!!!!* Time: 08:21 pm Current Mood: relieved

I'm really hyper, and on the fone with Eric... so i'm gonna make this quick... ~Peace and love~ leave em! ~*~ME!~*~

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May 21st, 2005

Current Music: rythm of my heart Subject: WHEW! Time: 10:00 pm Current Mood: JUST... WOW!

Okay you guys... WoW! I was deffinately over-reacting... i love him so much! Eric and i spent all day together, oh my god! I love him sooooooooooo flipping much! I hope he never changes, always stays the cute, adorable, sweet, UGH, AMAZING person that he is right now! I can not get enough... and the best part... it's the little things that get me! the way he runs his fingers through my hair, the way his eyes twinkle when he smiles, The butterflies I get when he kisses the back of my hand while we're watching a movie... i've never ever ever ever felt his way before... i dont know what to do... any advice? how do i make sure i dont get scared of getting hurt and bail out when things get amazing... like they're getting right now... i'm scared i'm going to do something i'll regret and break up with him... elyse... especially you... i need help, advice... anything PLEASE! ~*~Steph~*~ SBLECWAHH

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Subject: *sigh* Time: 07:54 am Current Mood: hopin it all turns out okay

I'm so tired y'all. So Eric called me last night to talk about whatever it was that he said he needed to tell me. Well, his friends billy and scott were over too. I talked to scott for A FREAKING HOUR and I talked to Eric for like 10 minutes, and he goes," ya wanna talk to billy?" and I was like, oh ya no, only if you dont want to talk to me ne more N HE FREAKING GAVE THE FONE TO BILLY. I dont know what to do. Maybe it was the day, maybe it was that Billy really wanted to talk to me (cuz yeah, me billy and scott r all gettin tight too. but honestly), or maybe it was just straight up cuz he doens't like me ne more... URGH. I'm so flipping scared you guys. Eric is coming over today though, cuz my mom's baby sitting his baby sister. I guess we'll find out today if he still likes me or not. you guys... i dont want to lose him. Glenn, i guess i have to take my own advice on this one... put your faith in God and nothing could go wrong (cuz it's all his plan and the master plan, is the right plan) well i'm off to go finish cleaning to get my mom off my back... lots of love ERIC I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL... DONT EVER EVER EVER EVER CHANGE BABY. ^kinda ironic that i was just complaining about what he did, and yet i still love him so much and dont want anything to change him... ever^ ~*~Me~*~

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May 20th, 2005

Subject: blah Time: 07:57 pm Current Mood: ...Scared to death...

I've been bustin my butt all day n I still have loads of stuff to do before tomorrow. My mother is making it almost impossible for me to be able to see Eric tomorrow. I have to shampoo the carpet on the whole upstairs which is HUMUNGO and I'm somewhat upset. I've been cleaning for 3 days straight now... taking breaks to go to school, and I dont even think Eric wants to come over tomorrow. But who knows, he said he'd talk to me about it tonight. Wonder what that means :-/ I really hope nothing bad cuz I'd hate for him to want to do something... like... break.... up... with... me... :( Ugh I really hope I'm overreacting. I dont want anything to happen to us... I think we fit... He makes me feel something that I've never felt before. I dont want to loose that, no1 but him has ever made me feel this complete, and I honestly dont think anyone could if I lost him. I'm scared you guys... comment to make me feel better :( *Steph* SBLECWAHH

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May 18th, 2005

Current Music: crazy Time: 05:36 pm Current Mood: lovin' him uncontrolably

1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What's the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish I was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in one word. 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think I'll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. When's the last time you saw me? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same? 33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen? 34. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you? ^^answer them all!!! haha, love ya guys!^^ ~*~ME~*~

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May 17th, 2005

Current Music: my heart will go on Subject: ...love Time: 11:00 am Current Mood: completely in love

trying to forget someone you love, is like trying to remember someone you never knew... IMPOSSIBLE! -------------------------------------------------------------- love is like the lotto... you have to scratch a few losers before you win the million! -------------------------------------------------------------- I thank God he sent you to me, For you and I were meant to be. We have a bond too strong to break, We have a love no one can take. In you, I have found a love so true, My heart is filled with love for you. Every time I see you, my heart skips a beat, You make my life whole, you make my life complete. My love for you grows more with each passing day, The thought of your gorgeous face takes my breath away: Those brown eyes fill my soul with happiness, Those luscious lips I love to kiss. that heart of yours that i do wish To have to hold, to love... ...To need --------------------------------------------------------------- If I were to fall in love, It would have to be with you. Your eyes, your smile, The way you laugh, The things you say and do. Take me to the places, My heart never knew. So, if I were to fall in love, It would have to be with you. If I were to give my heart, It would have to be to you, For you bring things into my life, So beautiful and new. Love, so soft and warm beside me, That I know it’s true, If I were to give my heart, It would have to be to you. I was looking for an answer. I was looking for a way. To keep the magic that you bring, To each and every day. To live our lives together, As only lovers do. It started with a feeling, And every day it grew, So, when I knew I was in love, It had to be with you. ----------------------------------------------------------------- I was sort of hoping, That you would come along, Like the answer to a prayer, And the music to a song. Like the kind of thing that happens, At a special place and time, That will change our lives forever, Like a fantasy of mine. The fantasy was there before, I ever knew your name, And now that I have found you, We will never be the same. So, pardon, if I look at you, Forgive me if I stare, At the fantasy I knew before, I saw you standing there. For I was always hoping, That you would come along, Like the answer to a prayer, And the music to a song. ------------------------------------------------------------------ You are my entire being, The world in which I stand. The strength which enriches me, Please take me by the hand. And lead me to our paradise, soft words you'll whisper to me, Hold me tight within your arms, and let our hearts fly free. ------------------------------------------------------------------- To be the one you'll always hear, The one to help you with all your fears To wipe the tears that roll down your face, The one you can never replace... To be the one who catches your gaze, The one to complete your every phrase The one that knows your everything And still loves you for the joy you bring... To be the one whose hand you hold And watch our lives as they unfold The one that you can never let go, The one you'll feel you'll always know... To be the one who's swept off her feet By the overwhelming bliss of passion and heat, The one you'll think of so heavenly... ...This is the one I want to be... ---------------------------------------------------------------------- You came into my dream last night with that smile of yours that always held me like a lover, rocked me like a child. All I remember from the dream is a feeling of peace. I woke up with that feeling and tried to keep it alive as along as I could. I'm writing to tell you that I'm on a journey toward that peace. And to tell you I'm sorry about so many things. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of you so that you never spent one minute being cold or scared or sick. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to find the words to tell you what I was feeling. I'm sorry I never fixed the screen door. I fixed it now. I'm sorry I ever fought with you. I'm sorry I didn't apologize more. I was too proud. I'm sorry I didn't bring you more compliments on everything you wore and every way you fixed your hair. I'm sorry I didn't hold on to you with so much strength that even god couldn't pull you away. ^best movie EVER^ ------------------------------------------------------------------- to all the ships at see and all the ports of call to my family and to all friends and strangers, this is a message and a prayer. the message is that my travels have taught me a great truth. I already have everything everyone is looking for and few ever find, the one person whom i was born to love forever, a person like me of the outer banks and the blue atlantic mystery. a person rich in simple treasures, self made, self taught, a harbor where i am forever home and no wind or rain, or even a little death can knock down this house. the prayer is that everyone can know this kind of love and be healed by it. If my prayer is heard there will be an erasing of all guilt and and end to all anger... Please God... -AMEN- I love him you guys, i'm crazy about him, and i can't stop this feeling.I dont get it... and i dont want to... the fact that this is all so new to me is why it's so amazing... and i hope this feeling never ends... i gotta go y'all, i love you and i'll ttyl SBlECwahh ~*~me~*~

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May 10th, 2005

Time: 11:11 am Current Mood: missing him :(

Kay, so today's been pretty good... I didn't really talk to eric yesturday... he didn't get a chance to call me... it's kinda funny how much i hate going without talkin to him. It seems retarded but what can I say... he's my angel. CAUTION! I'm crazy about him! ^~^saw that online today n it made me laugh that some ppl are as dumb as me when it comes to the guys they love!^~^ Anyway, Jeni's awsome, she's a lil hotty! haha, she's great! imma get going... i love all y'all! ~!*!~Steph~!*!~

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May 9th, 2005

Current Music: the anouncments in homeroom Subject: ....... Time: 10:03 am Current Mood: touched

things change... people change... feelings change... and all of it can be blamed on love... I LOVE HIM SO FLIPPING MUCH! Eric came over this weekend! :) he makes me so happy! We just hung out, sat around watching movies... and that's probably what i love so much about him... We don't hav eto be doing anything bad to have a good time... what can i say... I'M IN LOVE! ~!*!~Eric's Baby~!*!~ A.K.A ~*~Steph~*~

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